AA's Singleness of Purpose

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AA's Singleness of Purpose

An excerpt:

“I am an alcoholic. I have a drug history as long as my alcoholism, but I am not an addict. The stories I have heard of addicts, gamblers, and so on elicit sympathy from me, but do not reach that place in me of identification that I find in the story of another alcoholic- that place where I actually begin to feel the pain experienced by the speaker and relate his experience to my own. Thank God you had alcoholics speak to me of alcoholism when I came into AA. Because identification is so vital to the recovery of alcoholics like myself, I do not wish to risk weakening my effectiveness by speaking of my drug use in an AA meeting.

“We alcoholics come with many “related disorders” of drugs, gambling, overeating, sex, depression, anxiety, and so on, but by choosing to join AA we have chosen a common ground on which to relate to one another- alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism. Given the diversity of people and problems in AA, the unity necessary to function as a group would be impossible and our effectiveness with newcomers diminished if we did not keep our focus on our common problem. I have to relate myself to the group as a whole for my own recovery and the recovery of those I would help. I would hate to see the day in AA where an alcoholic’s chance to recover was dependent upon whether we had the “right” person with the “right” set of problems for him that day on the answering service, Twelve Step call, and so on. I would hate to see the day when any real alcoholic finds himself unable to relate to a speaker or discussion due to too much talk of problems other than alcoholism that he does not possess. I want every alcoholic to have the chance I had to enter an AA meeting and come to realize, as I did,  that “those people are like me and maybe if I do what they did it will work for me too.” ”

is "a drug-a-drug-a-drug"?

When people tell me, "a drug is a drug is a drug," they are almost always defending the notion that AA should be open to people whose "substance of choice" is a drug, not alcohol. You know that I think open meetings should most certainly be open to those who aren't yet sure, or who might have a problem with alcohol... that sort of thing. ("The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.")

Last summer, I had a Big Book study group at my house. The participants were newer members of AA and lived at a local recovery house for women. They got upset about the singleness of purpose once, telling me such things as: "That's discrimination!" and "It's segregation!" and "If it helps drug addicts, they should be able to go, too!"

So I started to list some existing and made-up "-isms" and said, "Should those people feel free to attend closed AA meetings, too?" Do you think you can help the person with food issues? Sugar issues? Heroin issues? Sex addiction? Perhaps a grown man who feels that AA can help them not have sex with 6-year old girls? The person who is a work-a-holic... can you help that person?

At what point do you think we draw should the line? When you think about sharing (exchanging) experience, strength and hope, with whom do you think about sharing it? With people who will be able to relate? Whose own E, S & H you will be able to relate to?

When we broaden the membership of closed AA meetings, we water down not only the message, but also our ability to really help one-another.

Can I understand, in a way, the cravings of a crack addict? Sure I can. How does the crack addict feel about my cravings for alcohol? I've been told (by crack addicts) such stuff as, "You had it lucky - your substance is legal. You didn't have to feel ashamed about going to the liquor store to get it."

Well, those words are true, yet I did feel ashamed when buying booze. Ashamed, in fact, to the point of going to a different store each day. And not only ashamed about buying it, but of sitting on barstools being "cute" in order to get men to buy it for me when I was broke. And don't for a minute think those men were being kind-hearted and generous - there was most definitely a price for the booze they bought me and it included my body, my self-esteem and my self-respect.

I digress. I am not against helping people in need. If a friend told me that she was depressed, I wouldn't send her to an AA meeting, I'd recommend she see my therapist, maybe a psychiatrist for meds. If you told me that you couldn't stop coughing, I wouldn't tell you to go to an AA meeting, I'd suggest you see a doctor.

I can empathize with the depression and the cough, I've even experienced them. But my primary experience, strength and hope is not in those areas. It's in the area of alcoholism.

See?